They view so...openly

Hmm everything seems to be going swimmingly. Just. Peachy. Which of course makes me wonder if impending doom is on its way. Or if I am indeed in the eye of a hurricane. Or perhaps I’ve finally reached a real stretch of stability. At any rate, I always feel silly when I read what I wrote and well yeah. I just hope I never backfire on myself. That’d be like hot soup spilling and I’d be like ow.

Well, lets see. I’ve overcome some addictions. Not all, but yeah. Like gaming less and whatnot. Its funny because I used to think I had so many mobile suits to choose from, and now I’m irritated at the now seemingly small selection. Despite it being over 60. 

And weird dreams. Which is a good sign because I’ve been forgetting them. Hmm I don’t like censoring myself, but I feel as if my undeveloped thoughts spill out and make a mess. I don’t want to clean it up. But lets just say lots of things are happening for the better. Yay.

Zomg and I may be able to eat breakfast again soon. Wooooo.

Tummy aches be damned. Damned to tummy ache island. Where they learn their lesson and use their powers for good and not evil.

Yesh.

While I think I’ve had progress, significant progress, I’m still got a significant way to go. So really, I shouldn’t think I’m there yet. I don’t think I ever want to be there. Because that’d mean its all over, and quite frankly its never over.

So in no way am I like in an expert mode. I’m still on easy mode but, I’m learning the ways of the force.

Procrastination for example, less but still there. Conversational skills, better but I still neglect to say what I want to say sometimes.

Alot of the time actually.

Hesitation is a big thing. But yeah yeah its getting a little bit better all the time.

And math I don’t even. Sometimes I’ve got it in a corner and other times its reducing me to jello. But I’m getting most of it.

Hmm thinking about a hair thinning or something. Micaela and her friend Erica have me convinced lol. I suppose it usually is too poofy. And frizzy or what have you.

But even if this peachyness were to go away for some random reason, I think, such an occurrence wouldn’t spoil the fruit of knowledge which I have taken to heart. 

I mean I hold multiple opinions, always shifting, and for whatever reason should they be held against me, I’m like whatever man. They are not solid structures of the mind, they are like the wind, going everywhich way and random. Should that be my downfall. At least to them.

Xipernosky’s eyes are mine, and with them, I see great things. To come. Soonishly.

I can’t sleep so eventually I exhausted every possibility until there was only one left. And that was return here. I rarely reread my posts but I reread my last one and was pleasantly surprised at how fun it was to read and also slightly horrified that I forgot how I used to think about a certain situation that has now evolved. 

Anywho, last quarter like the one before it was easy. Though I got lazy and didn’t put 100%. This may have a lot to do with that gundamu game that am slowly liking and hating more at the same time.

Oh yesh so all but one of my classes are registered. Phil 2, which is online and should be a cakewalk. Math 212, hopefully I’m not too rusty. Poli 17 or something, that should be fun as I just adore political science and how enlightening it is. Fencing, because I want to become a master swordsman. And the waitlisted Speech 1.

I feel as I am boring you so, I shall…wait who is you..sometimes I have a person in mind when I write, sometimes I think who may read this in the far future..

Anyways I took speech 1 because of this interesting story I will now tell:

After my English class I walked with Idris and he went to his class and I went to the library. Well imagine my surprise when Micaela, the girl thats taken my fancy, everyday walks from the library to Idris’s class. And so I just waved and said hi and she smiled back. And this went on for some weeks. I began to notice she was actually in the library multiple times a day, as was I. And seeing as we both have roughly the same schedule (loosely following SCHS’s 7-3 out of hard dying habits) we would pass by nearly every hour or so.

Then one day I just took it upon myself to just, well talk to her and walk with her all the way from the library to her class. And then I did it again and it became quite frequent. And so on the things said in these moments I remember, yet neglect to repeat.

Though one day I asked her when she had Speech 1 so we could have the same class. And one day I waited for her class to end and asked her to lunch.

Anyways..I find her quite astonishing. I just wish I had the memory to ask her what her email or phone number was before break started. As I told her, my memory is quick to fade, though I neglected to mention the reason was her.

Her major is civil engineering. A high unit one no doubt, and quite an undertaking. But if I were to write everything I admire about her I’d think that would be quite a selfserving and boring post hmm?

I will say I had this kind of preconception of her as being quite shy and while that seems like the case, I can attest that once you talk to a ‘shy’ person they open up like a sunflower. Note I’ve never seen a sunflower bloom..

So I cannot tell you…how much I hope I get into that speech 1 class. I even sent an email to the professor, but no response.

Sorry I feel this is an inadequate post in how I feel about any of this. Quite an injustice.

So heres a condensed abstract alternate take on the whole ..thing

Passing by filled with dread and doubt

I see her checkered hat and black decor walk down

Before I’ve waved and shes smiled

But now I’d like to say..something

I wave and she smiles, I say something and she turns

we walk togther down the path

I stutter and she stutters back

I steal a glance or three

we get to the end and I say bye

Shes says, fancy seeing you here,

its funny because I usually take lengths to be there on purpose

and she knows

I feel like saying so much

she can tell I want to say alot

perhaps I have to write it all down

actually I did

so..

we’ll see

Sorry guys but if cryogenic freezing and hyperspace space travel become possible, I’m basically going to abandon you all for the future and heading for Kepler-22b.  Lameness will be banned there. And hammocks will be littered across the landscape like leaves in an annoying cold winter season. I’m hating this cold weather btw. Just wtf. This is cali. Not uh, Canadia. I can’t believe my classes are so easy. So next quarter I’m taking 4. I was going to take 5 but unit restrictions and shiz. We’ll see if I can manage. (Prolly).

Anywho. I haven’t blawged in a while. Prolly because my laptop battery fried. For good. And so did its 3 replacements. SO. That. Is why. lol

I should be getting a new one…within 2 or 3 years. I’m really picky so it’ll take that much time and plus I hate buying hardware because as soon as you buy it. It gets outdated within months. But whatever I can fix these computers here.

What else. Oh I’m mega pissed I can’t find half my Wii or Gamecube games. Its like someone randomly took half of both and scattered them across the house. Not kewl. NOT kewl bro.

Uh. Addicted to this new computer game called SDGO Capsule fighter. Basically little robots fighting each other. Fun. Though I really sucked today. Probably because they just gave away a particulary overpowered robot to almost everyone. Rage.

Lol.

They’ll abandon it for a new robot though. They always do lol.

Wat else.

I may or may not have. Found myself infatuated. With someone. Again.

BUT ENOUGH OF THAT. Tumblr isn’t the place to divulge well. Actually no wait it isn’t. Lol.

But idgaf :3

THAT F STANDS FOR FLUFF NOT FEWK

anyways

Shes quite lovely and quite frankly I don’t know why I hadn’t pursued her before.

Thats what really perplexes me. As I saw her everywhere before.

And then once again, a year later because shes a year my senior, I see her around again.

And by an off chance a friend of mine is a friend of hers, quite interesting.

I’m glad I’m pretty much completely recuperated from my last infatuation for lack of a better word…its late geez cut meh some SLACK. And cheese por va vor. Pardon my french (spanish really).

Its funny sometimes I can swear she knows and the sometimes shes seems utterly clueless. 

What really caught my attention and cemented my attraction to her however was her reciting shakespeare over the phone. And so many other things that I shall for now, neglect to detail in the way I piece together people romantically, trying to understand them. 

Surely she knows..I’m sure, I just have to say it. And I’ve been trying to. But yeah as usual I run late(end of quarter), though cautious. But also in comparison perhaps the quickest (usually months or even better part of a year). 

Just today I almost almost almost told her.

I just didn’t have the heart to tell Idris in the rush of getting on the bus that she was taking the next bus. And not the one we were on. 

Bet your bottom dollar though, cuz WEDNESDAY. I is not going to falter. For any circumstance. Nien.

No siree bob.

You know…

Sometimes I wonder why only in writing can I freely without ANY inhibition express all my feelings.

Aren’t I the same person when I speak? I think so, no…I know so.

And I always need an excuse or crutch on which to initiate anything. A conversation, ice breaking, it gets horrendous.

I simply think and think and over think until the opportunity is gone. And I am well acquainted with the lost opportunity.

But yeah I also need to stop being pessimistic, I mean I’ve come pretay far. So. Take that. lol.

Oh and she likes Take 5 bars. And as do I, we have a lot in common actually but for now. I’ll leave it at that.

WAIT A MINUTE I CAN’T LEAVE IT AT THAT.

Anna. She liked tootsie rolls, so I gave her 2 or 3 just about every day. I never found out what Alexis liked. Though I know Ilana liked starbursts so, I got her a bag of those lol.

I find it funny, that I somehow find out their favorite candy. Though I must admit I like take 5 the best. Tootsie rolls are too bland and starbursts too sweet. Both are too chewy. But Take 5, well its a compilation of tastes I’ve never really experienced in candy or anywhere before. An acquired taste. So much to say. Should sleep though lol. Interpret or add your own meaning or ending or whatever. That always works.

lol.

Oh my gawd. I killed so many zombies rite now. Well actually I think they are just possessed or crazy. But yeah, F3AR is fun :3, Anyways.

Lets see.

I think these constant 3 say weekends are making me lazy. I’ll have to adjust my future quarter schedule accordingly. Although, I’m pretty sure Fridays are one day classes only. Which, are liek 5 hours long xD

So maybe I’m just doomed to have a three day weekend all my first 2 years of kerlerge. xD but thats not exactly a bad thing to be doomed to.

Worst comes to worst maybe I’ll just add a PE class since those are just half credits D:

Which is silly. They should be worth more. I mean you can’t really stack 2 in a row because you’d physically be wiped out. While having to classes in a row might be mind numbing, I’d prefer it to being rally tired. lol

Oh yeah so Halloween. Uh, I will not be trick or treating since OH WAIT. I can because my tuesday class is in the afternoon. So maybe.

Probably will just sit around and pass out candy though lol.

College is still easy :3 maybe because there is no math . yet. lol

I maintain its easier than highschool. it almost feels like summer didn’t end. I dunno if thats a bad thing yet lol.

I mean Summer just forced me to realize that you can never get a your fill out of relaxing, resting, or being lazy. It just goes on endlessly. And while I kind of defeat my point be typing this up at a late hour, I have the death of my laptop for a good excuse. 

I do find however I’m doing my Homework a bit last minute. Nothing as seriously last minute as my fellow classmates, who make me look like an anti-procrastinator in contrast XD

The only HW that creeps up on me is reading though. Everything else is a breeze that can be bs’d (and A quality) in a matter of minutes.

I even sense my teachers procrastinate. In collecting assignments, in their lesson plans, and in the difficulty of the material lol

Its as if my worst is their best, … not trying to sound smug but… thats just about the size of it lol.

I hope I don’t bring down my own standards despite that however. 

Got 2 kewl friends though both are from Taiwan, its really interesting to learn about their perspective on stuff. I feel I learn more from them than class at some times lol.

Oh and I keep bumping into this girl Micaela who I met when I bowled with Tariq. I saw her alot around SC throughout High school so meeting her is almost unreal. Since you think many of the people that are a class below or above you, you may never see again.

Ah and I dug up my old movie ticket things from the STAR testing. Still good, so I may ask my new friends or my even newer friend. I haven’t decided lol.

I find Valco, the mall right next to De Anza, quite enchanting. Its almost always empty, yet its so large and everything inside is still in business. Its like a hidden sanctuary really lol. Yes its sad a mall thats past its prime is the closest an American can call a Sanctuary, but it works. Lots to explore, and its just fun to walk around in. Compared to Valley Fair or Santana Row, its peaceful, while I like those two places, theres a lot of people its just a different experience.

As for the bus, well, I guess I have no quarel with standing when its full. Though if the driver is really generous with the brakes and gas it feels a bit like an amusement park ride….that drags on for 15 minutes. lol

Its funny, people drop out of classes more than I thought they would. Its a tad disheartening but I guess they need to do whatever to pass their other classes.

I noticed the walk home is now less long than I thought, maybe I just got used to it. I remember I wanted to get rollerblades because it just seemed so dreadfully boring. Same with how I wanted all my classes on Thursday, it didn’t work out but I like how things came out.

As for dasb, idris and I have missed soooo many meetings. I’m not sure we can secure those 2 positions lol. I’m not even sure I want to continue running, with double my classes next quarter. Plus I like not sitting around in 2-3 hour meetings lol.

I dunno I’m still on the fence.

Oh and its really hard to find sparknotes on these books xD not that I needed them anyways.

Lets see. Uh. Oh I beat Soda Popinski in Punch Out!! So thats good. Took me liek a couple months. But yeah. Got that guy KO’d. Wewt. Wat else have I accomplished?

Hmm. Weird as fark dreams. That I’m sorry I cannot recall. I’ll try to relocate mah recorder.

For theater saw a really romantic play. Basically two guys the smart guy who knows what to say but has a big nose and the pretty guy who doesn’t know what to say. So they team up. Epic. And before that (shiz my arm is losing blood LOL) I was waitng for class to start and this girl sits next to me and ask if she can touch my hair. Actually this has happened many times before. Perhaps because my hairstyle is unusual or rare. Anyways and then she gave me a small mini onion. Or a minion as Emily pointed out. I’m still mindblown by that word combo. Lol.

Call me crazy but I think she kinda liked me. I dunno tho I’m at a crossroads where I’m liek: okay wtf do I do. Woo her, or wait, or woo someone else, or wait. Lol.

HOW DO YOU EVEN. Actually I know how to woo nvm. Playing it slow is always a good move though. Don’t want to rush into shi. That would be bad. Well most of the time. lol.

Wat else. Fuu awkwarded silence today. So I totally did a bunch of excerises to jump from topic to topic liek a bauss. I feel confident in such banter now. NOW we await. Monday is when I shall test out these newfound topical skeels.

Oh and it was weird because in journalism we were reading about romantic advice. I’m starting to doubt I’ll learn anything of real value from that class. But hey its just GE and I get credit anyway lol.

Shiz im hungry. Hmm mebe I shall eat some kewkies.

Oh and I like how in journalism we have this kinda group of diverse friends. Usually that doesn’t happen but since no one knows each other it just happened that way XD

I hope people don’t just split apart every  quarter that would be just silly, and also mean in college its more of a everyones always a stranger in every class kind of deal. Which isn’t what it should be really lol.

Not sure if the Senator thing is going to work out, I hope it does though. There are definitely a lot of more thing to cover tho.

Sometimes I really have to wonder who am I, I act differently in different places with the same people sometimes. Its like I’m wavering between who I am. Somethings as soon I remember them though, just inspire me so thoroughly that I can only be the pinnacle of this thought personified. It would do me so much well if I had on my person a notepad. And a better memory ha.

Like I said before, it feels like I’m getting a grasp on life. Really understanding what is surrounding me and what possibilities I can make into reality. Perhaps school got too much in the way of that education lol.

Oh and my hair is really starting to annoy/blind me. I’ll have to seriously consider…something. Lol. Aw fuu bleeding head. Goo night errone :D

Its cold, dark, and quiet. Well..except for the ticking tock if I really strain my ears. And the breathing computer emitting light. My mind just…I dunno grasping random thoughts. 

I have sooo much reading to do. Its almost impossible to read at the rate I read with my spare time I have. Spare as in, having slight motivation to read.

Sometimes I just bring a book with me. To have the option of reading, it comforts me. But out of the dozens of times I brought a book, I never read more than a page. 

Which is weird because a good book is as good as a good movie. Its just a book may be like an 8 or 12 hour movie…blarg.

I don’t want to resort to cliffnotes though, thats the dark side.

So reading is whats on my mind academically.

Emotionally, I’ve been struggling to..rather been wrestling if I should say anything to her. If anything. And how. That too. 

Then theres running for DASB Senate. Not sure if this is going to work out. Too soon to tell. We’ll see.

And I require rollerblades. Walking takes too long. I simply can’t waste time anymore. Its just. No.

Though I just spent I don’t even want to guess..how many hours on the internet right now.

I wish I could wake up early on a day I have off. I do it only for schooldays. It peeves me that I can only tap into that kind of ability only when I have to. I want it when I want to.

Waking up at 7:30 and then sleeping in till 2 or 3 is just strange. I don’t need that extra sleep and can barely remember my dreams now anyway. Litereally only half seconds of dreams…

Which is another thing. My memory is totally visibly getting worse. I tried Arizona green tea twice in two days. Didn’t help. I’m going to start playing brain age on the bus or something..

Of course there are pretty girls at college. But I don’t think I’ve had the pleasure of meeting someone as awesome as some may look lol.

Anyway I shouldn’t get too attached, everyones definitely going to go to their own college. Then again, getting attached is inevitable.

Classwork wise everything is a breeze. Sure in English they bring up all these terms we forgot about but we’ll just re-learn the definitions. I guess maybe it all feels too easy because I’m used to AP. However maybe I’m also not used to the mindless busy work. Or reading that is assigned.

But yeah all my teachers are kewl.

Thursday us if course late start lol.

Well, well, well, everything seems to be going well. Except maybe my memory lol. And indecisiveness in what to say or just not say. I do want to visit SC one day though. Because well, teachers and friends. Its so funny they live their lives and you can’t help but not believe its all going on without you. 

But it is.

Guess I’m getting used to this ergonomic keyboard lol. AND WTF. It better get cold soon. Its Fall damn it. And it was deathly hot like on Wednesday. I’d hate to live anywhere where thats normal. Sorry lol.

Oh and one thought….

When I first met Anna. My first memory of her anyway…to be totally accurate. Was in Ms. Williams room and we sat facing each other in this 4 desk group. And I stared into her eyes. Unafraid, because she was the prettiest thing I have ever witnessed. Here I am, over half an academic carrer later. And I find myself, in an identical situation. A pretty girl sitting directly across from me. And I’m looking everywhere except directly at her. 

Now the question is. Am I better off just not being overly romantic with someone who I for the most part don’t know? 

I mean I want to say that I didn’t know what love really was so young. And I’d like to think I have a better understanding of it now.

Yet..I think the answer lies somewhere in between. I shouldn’t, clearly, flat out fall in love with her. But I should also not plain ignore her.

This seems logical yes.

But first impressions and how I carry myself are things I should give great thought. Repeating mistakes would be unwise. Whichever repeat it may be…

I think I’m going to call this, ‘I had a cold’ day effect.

I act, or am, in a different way than from the first day. And my excuse for lack of whatever I lacked (or vice versa) would be an off day.

An observer day perhaps. A day to test the water.

Anyways.

Oh I haven’t used sims for a long time. Thats good. Its better to kick addicitive stuff when school starts. Though I made an account on Canvas today..

And re-entered minecraft. 

Even posting less on FB tho. So thats a really good sign lol

And obviously less posts here.

Which is saddening. But its hard to blawg without my laptop.

I swear I want to dig into all this damned required reading and end it in a day. And I will do that next quarter. Order em all in advance. 

My classes will also be on the same day. Like sequentially. That would be epic. 

Everyone seems to be doing fine. Thus I am fine. I’ll try to remember my dream this time. Man I’ll say, this. I don’t think I’ve been so clueless in where I am romantically. I’ve said it a hundred times, and I know it as fact. But as a reflex it triggers by itself. So much cofliction. Like I alredy told her. Then no,  I left out this. And then regardless you shouldn’t approach her about it she already knows. It goes on..I know the deal though. Yeah. 

Rarely is it that I go to bed because I feel tired. Must have been months since. I really wonder how long I could go without sleeping. How much I really need it. Just to prove to myself I don’t need to sleep in. Even if I go to sleep at 3. okay maybe waking at 7 isnt realistic but 10? Sure.

Its just defeatist negative Steven always wins in the wee hours (after I fall asleep not before). If I can beat him on own turf though, that will be a glorious day. Soon..soon.

So much guilt. When I abandon this blog lol. I blame the death of my laptop. Well its not dead per se.. I should crack it open and poke around. But its Wednesday now. And my time is becoming limited. Finally.. Though it isn’t really because I get Tuesdays and Fridays off. Essentially per week its 4 days off and 3 days on. Yeah thats how it should be lol.

And the Thursday classes are late so I don’t even have to get up early..

However…I plan on waking up early anyway. 

Anyways. Lets see if I can recall everything that happened since last time uh.

Oh so I was walking around in central park with Tariq because we were bored and so yeah we just met up for fun lol. But I was quite aware of the cross country running going on. And I know that you know that I know who has cross country XD

So and it was funny too because we went on the same path 3 times. The last time, I saw her, for only a second. Too entranced in enduring the jog to notice me. At least I think. And thats when I knew I didn’t have to see her to feel something I already felt before. And continue to feel. Simply physically seeing them doesn’t have to be done when you know who a person is. 

When we walked past when they were resting however, I grew extremely paranoid that she was merely inches away from my left. I mean it could have because it clearly was someone. But what could I say, I’ve said all that needed to. A momentary panic however. Just the spur of the moment. Which is expected to happen.

Yes it indeed feels so strange for my life to continue on a different path when I myself was at SC just so few months ago. I am detached, but I realized this is only physically. And my time there is done. Anyway I’ll be keeping up with a new schedule now that school starts next Monday.

As for today Tariq and I went to De Anza, Valley Fair, and Alum rock. Definitely abusing the bus. But its freeee. And we were bored lol. Though my legs need rest.

And tomorrow I have to go to De Anza again for one of those meetings. Just to see how they go. Etc etc. Luckily its much later in the day. Though I’ll try to get up early again. Its good practice for the real thing. Oooh noice my classes start later than I thought. Nevertheless…

Also. Finished Mobile Suit Gundam (the original series). Epic. Kinda bummed they basically showed us the ENTIRE ending mid season because they used it as the end credits. But whatever. Still awesome. The next series should be even awesomer.

What else. Oh yeah everyones leaving for college. Well for realz. Evan said its like the biggest Sunday. I couldn’t agree more, and it’ll probably feel like that when I transfer. 

Still waiting on Angela’s letter, I guess I’m just impatient lol. I write for the fun of it, while many say the despise it so. Fair enough XD

While I don’t have full control over many things. I can definitely feel a firmer grasp approaching my …grasp Lol. Which is funny because my grip sucks. My sister, mom, and grandma. Anyone really has a better grip. I suspect because I crack my knuckles alot. I dunno, I find such random minor weaknesses as opportunity to interpret deeper meaning you would have otherwise not have connected the dots to.

Unrelated to my general life note.

I find it interesting there are so many rebellion and uprising in the middle east ish area. I mean thats awesome. Justice and shiz. Its always so however, that after the spark things slowly, ever so slowly go back to where they were. America is a good example. Which is also kinda sad ironically because such a revolution would never happen here, maybe because we are too lazy or don’t take whats happening to this country so seriously as a people. But its not laden with revoultionaries like it was at its conception.

Back to mah life noaw xD

I think its getting harder for me to fall in love. Which, pretty much, is a good thing. I mean I can appreciate a pretty girl, but I can see her personality and won’t be blinded by love or some other influence. I even accepted this with Ilana, yes shes lovely but I knew shes wasn’t the prettiest girl in the entire school. She was pretty though. Though I won’t be blinded. If that makes sense.

I suppose I’m saying I can see through the fog more easily and thus understand in the inner-machinations of life that I wasn’t even aware of before. With this its almost as if everyday I get better and better at…everything in general.

Random idea, camera that tracks your eyes as you look at the keyboard to ensure less mistakes. Lol.

Despite seeing through the fog of life at present, that of the future is as dense as it ever was. So unforeseeable. Littered with possibility though. For everybody. I’m confident in the good people I know will forge a future that will hold meaning for them. 

Random I know lol.

But theres just no reason to be gloom and doom. The future constantly changes.

Sometimes I just need to sit back and unfold things in my head. So I can realize I’ve exhausted all possible chances to the best of my ability. And that I did the right thing. And I need to explain it to myself again and again.

Because just letting go seems so outright illogical. Though I know its the only way. And I did make sure to make that clear. So any action from here on in, doesn’t need to worry about repeating any point or being misunderstood. 

Because she was the first who did understand. That in itself. I think I undervalue too much. Realizing this, is what makes me so sure.

ANYWAYSSSSS. Should practice sleeping early.

Its funny, I think to myself. I hate the education system for not being flexible enough for me to see her much. It shouldn’t exist. And then I think, but if it didn’t I never would have met her. So. Its funny I feel sentimental without the sad. Its more..of a somber. Well then..

I feel inspired…to create. A STORY. Of epitice. Hmm. Probably because I’m listening to violins, watched a lot of gundam, kicked some ass on ZOMG as a Captain of a crew, ate some cookies, went to the beach yesterday, and haven’t posted in a long while.

Ah yes. I ordered yet another AC adapter for my laptop but it too failed. I fear the laptop is more to blame. I shall commence in final procedures of attempting rescue yet I feel as if its fate has been sealed.

Since I forgot most of my dreams I will recall one part of one half forgotten dream. 

Sitting in a large glass ceiling mall in the future I puzzle at a diagram. It is organic in nature, very alien in design. It is a map of a groups thoughts. As maps of thoughts are common in the future due to an open philosophy that dominates popular thinking.

This new group is alien, so naturally I am interested in their thoughts. As is everyone. It is all purple. “Wait a minute” I set the map a certain setting with a few flicks of my wrist and peel off all the purple revealing a green interior. At this moment nearby aliens assimilating with Earth life sense this and give chase. I run. And eventually find a security alien (of a different race since many aliens have since been discovered and assimilated). 

:3 

Lol.

What else. Oh yes, Angela is working on a reply to my letter. I hope its not a war of gifts xD Sorry I had to use that. But I hope we don’t get into heated conversation. Though I hope my letter wasn’t standoffish.

Anywho. Oh yes I went to the beach ih Tariq and Austin. Fun stuff. I really like climbing rocks. I can appreciate the grip of my shoes. You know I’ve always wanted to climb on those large vertical surfaces with the colorful rocks you grasp that are jutting out. Next one I see I am attempting xD actually I think there is one at Great America. Perhaps next time I go there, its been a while. 

Its been awhile since a lot of things. Since I wrote, since I had school, since I saw many friends, since I saw Ilana.

Hmm.

I have to pick up a transcript for credit in some classes I took for college. And I’ve been planning to visit Journalism very preferably before I start class on the 26th..

However I do have every Tuesday and Friday off. So really I can go whenever. But now..now I wonder if when I go I should say something to or see Ilana. What do you say to a girl you’ve expressed your feelings to? Do you say it again? Perhaps you ask how they are. I’m sure the dialogue tree is large and stems in many directions. I don’t want to think of them because if I prethink them they will become reality. They will become what I say. It will be scripted.

Though another part of me (here we go again), wants to think of everything. Perhaps I will. Because I can only think so far before the conversation is impossible to predict. If there is one.

Sure I have things to convey that make it purposeful and grants such a meeting meaning…While its unlikely (I like to cover all bases) because she is the most understanding girl I’ve dealt with in situations like this. I should tell her to just carry on as usual. As should I. Other than that, I suppose asking how everything is going. Because as evidenced from that one time when she had to redo her assignment due to a computer error that deleted it, she still has some maturing to do. However, she already is by a lot. And in the way she isn’t is a large portion of how shes so charming. But anyway yes, I love giving advice. I just dispensed some to Todd in the middle of writing this xD

I am to assist my father in setting some computers up again. While the work was not tiring, it was boring and grueling. I understand its a one time thing usually to set up a computer lab. But damn. Its simple, a five minute task to set up one. But times that by 50. Or in this case 100. And then of course all the plugs another 5 minutes multiplied to the equation. Software another 15 minutes per. It adds up. Its not ethical to do it all in one go alas…father is too nice to ask for assistance, time, or understanding in a way that yields the proper amount of help. So he does it on a weekend. And I help xD

A great sacrifice however. A lesson I won’t allow to escape my sight like a fleeting thought at night’s end. Perhaps the imprinted errors of our parents, those that we cannot console out of their minds after repeated tries are lessons for us to learn so we won’t have to. An interesting system.

However. I shudder to think that it means I will be so chronically wrong in the future. My being does not allow me to not listen to others. I weigh their argument, such a travesty cannot occur so tragically as it has with my father and mother. And if it does it will be for something minor. Like the way I brush my teeth. Though even now as I live out that possibility I think I can change that too.

However however…………..I would think a fate worse than my parents unable to listen to reasoning on their errors…would be exactly that, but with my children. Oh how I would weep. And curse at the world for not granting me the ability to sway them to reason! Or even worse one child able to discern reason and one not. Absolute dread.

Or my wife.

It would seem I’m thinking far out. And while I used to chuckle at those who think so far ahead at things that may not even happen…now I refute no possible future. Suddenly it is plausible and thus not a humorous possibility (or at least less humorous since its rooted in reality..dark humor).

Ah this violin music is making me type so formally. Circa Nineteenth Century.

Hmm yes less than 20 days until college. Its. Funny. I now once again value summer. That stint of boredom left a bad taste but, finally I am revigored to use it. No no. The correct word is scared. However its primal fear. Nothing to pay attention to. The feeling in your gut you get when you think “school”.

Everytime this happens I use reason to make such fear go away. Because really there is nothing to fear. Instead there is much to look forward to. Yes its only getting better.

Heh, this music really makes me think I should invest in an MP3 because I am writing with evidently more zeal. Music with no dialog have that effect. They fuel my imagination. As music with words leave nothing to the imagination. As they tell you what to imagine.

I suppose I really do need a new computer. Or should at least fix some. 

Yes music makes it as if, as if its the world you want it to be. While many don’t know what they want perhaps they’ll listen to someone who knows how to convey what want and paint a vivid picture of it for them. Ah well its more than a picture because its three perhaps even four dimensional. I know what I want though. Lots of things. Mainly to fix things. To order them. Not reset but renew. How they should be, or once were long ago. 

It is naive for me to think I can change such things within my life. Greedy for me to want so much. Childish even. Yet I take it seriously as if I can, perhaps that lends me to insanity as well. If all thats true though. Its humanity calling me these names they created to describe how one should not hope to extend their reach so far. 

Then why have I been given this life? To stay within expected limitations? If anything that is farthest from the truth. No I must do something. Somethings. And create what is on my list for the sake of not wasting my life on things already known, created, used, and bored to death of. 

Sitting here I feel a bit silly. But I can do it. Life has some surprises for me? I beg to differ, the reverse is more true. It should be that way anyway. 

Jessica I thought I told you chocolate chip waffles are way better than regular. Gawd. You know what? FUCK THIS. Gerald then beat his chest savagely like a gorilla does to damage his body for adrenaline boost. FUUFFFFFFEEEEEKKKKEEEEEUUHHHHHHh. Oh samples? “Um yes sir they are shri-” Gerald swiped a handful of shrimp and shoved 4 down the samplers throat. I AM FUCKING ALLERGIC MOTHER FUCKER. Gawd. He swipes his hand righteously at the table flinging shrimp across the floor. NONE SHALL HAVE TO SUFFER AS I HAVE NOT TO WORRY FELLOW COSTCORELIANS. Allllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll in a days work. Except. SHIT RUN. “Gerald I think you-” Gerald grabs Jessica and seats her in the baby seat of the cart. HOLD ON TIGHT THE COPS ARE IN CLOSE PURSUIT. Gerald pushes the cart with all his might and sprints towards the exit. The cart however crashed into a pile of clothing. WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS SHIT?! POLOS? I ….fucking…LOATHE…THIS FABRIC. Something must be done….Gerald spots a BBQ grill. THAT WILL DO. Somehow he lifts the stove above his head and flung it towards the…no just kidding…instead he rolled it to the shirts. UM OKAY. Now all I need is a match and we can. KAFNMSALK. The BBQ exploded. Lol I guess that took care of itself. At this point the costco employees and members are vaguely aware of whats happening but haven’t done anything yet. Oh fuck. OH SHIT. JESSICA CAN YOU GO HOME REALLY QUICK? MY BUTTERSCOTCH MUFFINS WILL BURN TO A CRISP. “Sure” KAY THANKS. THATS WHY I LIEK JOO. UR RESPONSIBLE AND SHI.

Now where was I. Wait what the crap? Are those? Those prices are insanely low. THATS A MOTHERFUCKIN DEAL? BROOOOO. Bro! (Gerald beckons to a Costco employee frosting a cake. Hey Bro. Bro. HEY BRO. BROOOOO. “Yes sir?” Bro………………………..(intense pause)…..those prices for the food in the court are insanely low. I mean its a great deal. I mean THINK OF THE SAVINGS! “Um. Yes we here at Costc-.” WAIT WHAT THE FUCK. OH. MY. FUCKING. FUUUUUUCKING. FOOOOOOCK FOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOCK. ENG GAAWD.

You know what bro? I always see a hobo bro on the street on the side of Costco begging for fewd or monies. And you guys have cheep fewd. But you need to be a member to get in…and to be a member you need 100 dollars. And no hobo has 100 dollars. I mean the Costco in Gilroy has a food court outside. So why THE FUCK is this one only inside?

(The employee went back to their station frosting cake in the midst of Gerald saying FOOCK)

Something must be done. I CANNOT STAND FOR SUCH…..hoboism.

As Gerald rubbed his chin thinking of how to right this wrong an annoying beeping sound took place behind him.

Um bro can you not BEEP BEEP um bro Im trying to BEEP BEEP uh BEEP BEEP Okay betch YOU WANNA BEEP? LETS FUCKIN BEEP.

Gerald proceeded to flying dragon kick the driver of the vehicle used to move around storage.

BEEP BEEP yeah. Hows that BEEP BEEP. WHO IS BEEPING NOW BRO HUH HUH? Not u. LOLOLOLOL

Kay.

Oh shi. I could use this…and with that Gerald went full throttle to the exit and then a few seonds later…

FLKJS:AK:S

LOL it worked I broke through the wall. Now to break that piece over theeeere..

Yay. Totally open to teh public noaw. HEY HOBOBRO COME ENJOI SUM CHEEP FEWD. (Gerald beckons to the hobo far off in the distance).

Hey costcobro (Gerald addresses the shocked chef looking at the now exposed wall), get a round of hotdawgs for my new friend ;D

Eatting a whole pizza and folding it over like a taco and then adding deli mustard to “accentuate the pepporoni” Gerald puts his feet up and says. Lol now these umbrella tables make sense. Cuz you guys had them inside. And theres liek no need for that inside. But now theres some sunlight. So. I gave them purpose again. Plus Hobos can eat here now. I’m such a pro huh?

Except most of the people were evacuating and calling the cops now so no one really heard especially since Gerald threw a full turkey at the mini camera at the exit and muttered something about how “Their smallness pissed him off”.

Gearlds ears perked as he finished off his pizza deli taco. “Oh hey a bird” Lol. HAY YOU GUYS BETTER INSTALL A BIRDFEEDER OR SOME SHI. You know what no I’ve got a better idea. At that moment two cops were sent to investigate what callers called chaos and lots of cussing. 

They found Gerald cleaning the crumbs from his table and repeated the claims of chaos and cussing to which he replied “Lol I don’t fucking cuss.” 

“Sir I’m going to have to ask you to put your hands on your head and slowly back away from the table”

Um no you see I need to save the bird because these Cos tard cotards don’t have exits for teh birdayz.

The officers now aimed their weapons at Gerald. “Sir I won’t ask again”

Whoa der bro. I’m legally obliged to state my penis is a deadly weapon. I have papers. And pictures. If your homo. But its okay I liek homos. Not in a homo way. But in a platonic kind of ‘if you want to view my lethal genitals thats kewl bro’ way. 

“The fuck?”

CAT GOT YOUR PANCREAS?

Gerald dove for the umbrella in the middle of the table and swung around it with his feet kicking both cops to the ground going around at least 3 times for fun after he noticed they were knocked out.

You know, I think I meant to say cat got your tongue. Not pancreas. Very common mistake. Their so similar. They could be synonyms really.

Ooooooooooooh. (Geralds spots the officers guns and dual wields them) And starts shooting at the ceiling.

There. Now the birds can escape the evil confines of Costco. And enjoy free samples. As well as reasonably priced fewd. 

BEEP BEEP

“Gerald I brought the muffins”

Did the come out nicely? I wanted them to be browned but not tan because tan makes me think of Jersey Shore and those fuckers are fucking shit. 

“From what I can tell they don’t seem tan”

Ah thats good. Okay well I’ll just stick the cart in the trunk and we can go home.

“Alright darling.”

Lets see. I guess I’ll attempt to tell a story. BS mode activated. 

Storrry. Oh and for fun I’ll just nonstop type so I don’t censor myself or some shiz.

Its 2012 everyones in college, well all the people who were seniors last year anyway. Seems like everyones getting into the groove of life, finding out who they are. Or perhaps making piecing themselves together. One day however something that was far from what was expected occured. The golden gate bridge collapsed due to terrorist extremists. Two planes for each side. Just like 9/11 but for the west coast. The symbolism of the attack rocked the people to their core. Friends gathered before what remained to pay tribute to the lost bridge.

Afterall it still was a recession and people needed hope. These seemed like dark times. 

I walked the streets of San Francisco and gauged the general mood. Despair, disbelief, a sort of unified sadness that made the general populace mope slowly across the steets as if they were being slowly dragged by a lazy puppeteer.

I called my friend Paaras to hear his opinion on the matter and what it meant. “America is just really having a bad decade, though with this I’m sure its worst it will go. From rockbottom theres only one way to go.” This lifed my spirits. Yes there really was no other way to go was there?

Years pass and my good friend was right. Obama was re-elected, revolutions in the middle east and across Eurasia blossomed in synchronization. The republicans and their conservative way of thinking were looked down upon by the public. American and otherwise. The world was back on track, and with a glint in its eye, for the future.

Even I was well off, wrote two novels and seriously considering running for some sort of public office. My friends as well seemed to be doing well as most of every one got the degree they wanted. Damn I even had a few girlfriends. Mostly just to get experience socially and understand the female psyche. I’m glad to report I’m friends with most. Of course one wasn’t so understanding. Alas however I’ve yet to find the one. Theres always Ilana to ask out but from what I understand that’d be a silly undertaking since shes studying abroad. And I haven’t spoken much to her since those days. 

Though I’m financially stable. Even have a house. And my income is steady enough to have a lot saved up. Unlike my Dad who wasn’t much of the saver. Lol. Oh yes that reminds me my parents are well too. Moved again of course. They are always on the move. 

Materialistically I suppose you could say as satisifed as I’ll ever be. I suppose I’m just not that into things. Maybe when Costa spoke ill of capitalism and in favor of socialism I then saw material possession and culture in a light I could never unsheathe from my eyes. So I have still a sparse dwelling with a few amusing things that are quite peculiar. Things you have to get from weird sites like remote controlled nerf gun turrents. 

To be continued.